Changing Your Thoughts

Everything is so hopeless.  Why did I do that?  I am so stupid.  I can’t do anything right, no one is ever going to want to be friends with me.  I am a horrible mother.  I will never be successful.

Rhonda Smith, MSW, LCSW

Have you ever said these words or heard someone else mutter these things under their breath?  It is not unusual for us to occasionally put ourselves down when we are having a bad day, but some people repeat these words to themselves on a daily basis.   At some point in time a person begins to feel this way, either by hearing it repeatedly from someone else, or feeling that they have failed in some way, and these thoughts become beliefs.  The belief will then evoke an emotion that leads to anxiety or depression and the cycle begins.  Over time, your brain forms little pathways that your thought process follows, creating a road map of sorts telling you what to think and feel next.  How do you break the cycle of having an automatic negative belief?

Put this paper down and cross your hands, intertwining your fingers.  Notice which thumb is on top.  Your right or left?  Take them apart, relax, and now and cross your hands again, but this time put your opposite thumb on top.  How does that feel?  Feels kind of unnatural, doesn’t it?   How did you make yourself put the other thumb on top?  You had to STOP and think about it.   It feels strange and unnatural to have the other thumb on top because you have been crossing your hands the same exact way for the past 40 years (or however long you have been alive).  If someone told you that you had to change the way that you cross your hands, every time you did it you would have to think about it and make a conscious choice to do it differently than you have done it every other time before.

Changing your automatic thoughts about everything else works exactly the same way.  The first step is to identify what your automatic thoughts are.  Take a few minutes to say aloud the negative things that you tell yourself.  Find a journal and write these thoughts down.  Once you identify what you are thinking, you can do something to change that thought.  Make this part of your routine.  I encourage my patients to make a list over a two-week period of time of what their automatic thoughts are.  You may begin to notice a pattern or a theme.  Do you have primarily angry thoughts, thoughts of sadness, self-deprecation, or negativity?

Once you recognize your thoughts as negative and decide you want to change them, the next step is to challenge that thought.   One way to do this is to come up with an alternative thought, one that contradicts the negative one.  List all of the reasons that the new thought is more valid than the old one.  When you have the automatic negative thought, cross your hands and remember that to change the way you think, you must make a decision to change that thought.  Replace the negative one with the new thought and repeat it to yourself.  As time goes by and you practice this method you will notice that your negativity will fade away and your new, more positive thought will become the first thought you have.   When your thoughts change, your mood will follow.  Give it some practice and remember to cross your fingers (or thumbs).

Rhonda Smith, MSW, LCSW, is a Certified Counselor at South Central Behavioral Health Services in Laurel. For more information or to make an appointment with Rhonda Smith, please call 601-426-9614 or visit scrmc.com.