Lessons from Mom and Dad

Rhonda Smith, MSW, LCSW

This week my parents celebrated 49 years of marriage.  Have they all been happy?  I am sure they have not all been easy, but overall from my point of view, they have all been pretty happy.  Not many couples can say that.  In 1992, my grandparents were on the front page of the Laurel Leader Call Valentine’s Day special, celebrating 50 years of marriage.  They explained the keys to their happiness, and I have to say that my parents probably learned a lot from them.

As I reflected on my parent’s marriage yesterday, I asked myself what I have learned from them.  I haven’t had the best luck in choosing a lifelong mate, but I have learned what it means to love someone.   If I were to ask my parents what principles they live by to keep their marriage strong, I think I know what they would tell me.

Keep God First.  My parents have always had the same belief system and they actively practice their faith in their daily lives, with each other.  They regularly pray together, worship together, and they live by the principles that they believe in.   You can’t go wrong when you allow God to guide your decisions.

Communication is key.  When they have disagreements, they try to discuss things without letting their emotions get in the way.  Sure, they have had their fights just like other couples, but they have never resorted to name calling or disrespectful behavior.  They see each other as individuals and truly try to listen to what the other person is saying.  They compromise.  There are times when someone has to give in and agree to disagree.  There does not have to be someone who is “right”.  They are allowed to be themselves and they don’t try to change each other.  In fact, they couldn’t be more different.  Mom is funny and easy going and does not take much of anything too seriously, and Dad is a type A personality, logical planner (who is really good at math).  They complement each other.  Differences are good and should always be respected.

They serve one another.  My Dad brings my Mom a cup of coffee every single morning.  They take turns preparing meals (he makes some mean blueberry pancakes).  He takes pride in doing things for her to make her life easier.  She makes sure they have a nice clean home.  She supports his decisions as the head of the household and he can be trusted to make the right decisions that are best for the family.  They know what their love languages are and they do a good job of speaking them to each other.

They have fun together, but they also do things with each other, even when they don’t want to.  My Dad loves to fish, so my Mom learned to fish.  My Dad loves to stay up all night picking in the parking lot at bluegrass festivals, so my Mom learned to play bass guitar so she could play too.  My Mom loves to paint, so my Dad lets her make a studio out of their living room.  She loves to shop….well, I have to draw the line there; he stays home.  But he lets her go, because he knows she loves it.

I could go on and on about the ways that my parents, and many others just like them have worked to keep their relationship healthy.  This is just a short list, but maybe you can pick up a thing or two from them that can help you in your relationship.   Find a successful couple and don’t be afraid to ask them how they do it.  Marriage is hard and it takes work, but I am so proud that my parents have put in the work to show the world that happiness is possible.

Rhonda Smith, MSW, LCSW, is a Therapist at South Central Behavioral Health Services in Laurel. For more information or to make an appointment with Rhonda Smith, please call 601-426-9614 or visit scrmc.com.